What does boosting my confidence look like?

Boosting confidence is a goal a lot of people have, whether it be for school, for work, in social settings, for finding a date, for becoming a public speaker, for becoming a leader - you name it, people are always looking to boost their confidence.

But why is it that people try to boost or build their confidence?

Because people want to be liked, listened to, and affirmed. People want to be someone of value.

And I imagine you've heard many ways you can do that: Love yourself, be assertive, do something that scares you, put your head up, walk with purpose, and on and on.

But what does doing all of those things actually look like?

1) As a first, it's going to look like a lot of failures

When you initially start to do something to build your confidence, you are not going to feel confident at all. And when you do finally get something right and think, "yes, I got it!", the next time will come around and slap you right in the face. And you are going to have to start all over again. Many times.

And that is the secret: Taking two or three steps forward, being kicked back four, and picking yourself up to take five steps forward again.

Confidence means building your self-efficacy so that you can become resilient against changes and risks - it is a way you can use your experiences to innovate, persevere, and find humor in the events you cannot control.

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly" - Robert Kennedy

2) You are going to have to learn to take criticism (a lot!)

There is no way you can grow, if you cannot hear feedback from others. And there is no way people will like you, if they don't think they can give you that feedback.

To have confidence means being brave enough to be vulnerable. To be vulnerable to ask for help, to admit you are wrong, to support people, to stand-up for an unpopular opinion, to be comfortable with your weaknesses.

Be open to changes. Be open to people. This openness is what will pull people to you.

"Accept both compliments and criticism. It takes both sun and rain for a flower to grow" - Anonymous

3) And finally, don't take things personally

If you are to become a "public figure" (whether that is asking one person out on a date or being the next CEO of a company), you are going to have people who will not like you or your ideas. Don't be discouraged.

Although you should be listening to other peoples' opinions about topics and having respectful discussions, the moment someone starts attacking who you are or being mean and hypercritical, don't fall into their trap. Take a step back and breathe.

Always aim to treat people how you would like to be treated. And don't take it personally when someone does not do that to you. In that moment, take a step back, have mercy on them (you don't know the reason why they are being like that) and try to approach them from a place of love (I know, it's hard).

"Calmness is a human superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace." - Anonymous

Ultimately, I think the best way to build confidence is to be yourself. Get to know who you are, your strengths, your weaknesses, your quirks and funny ways. And love all of that. That is the ultimate sign of confidence.

Trust the process. Live the commitment